i always like the idea of coming back. but past is past and no matter how i want everything to go back to their former places, it can’t happen. it won’t happen. i always like the idea of coming back. not to reminisce the moments, but to create new memories in that place no matter how bad it was before.
We never really talk or do something together or walk in the same direction and even look at each other for more than 3 seconds, but I miss you and I will always be that lover from afar.
At least I’m still not contented being just that.
I wish I can see you from my windowpane every night before I go to sleep. At least even though we’re not right by each other, we had each other’s faces before we die.
And so I smiled in front of the cameras alongside the endless flashing of those killer bulbs. And so I stood still and waited for long until you got back to say you can’t come.
And so I ignored the pain of holding those roses even though the thorns were torturing me to bits. And so I stayed up that night and fought my lifeless eyes just to hear your voice over the phone but you never make that call.
Long words were said, actions were needed. Tears were shed, and empty hearts have been quitters. Love letters were burnt, but of course not all of them. But it’s too late now, the train run off from you.
And I am inside, watching my own self bleed.
I want to kill myself.
No more grunts. No more shenanigans. No more affection. Just pure shattered compassion. I am lost to this very point of my existence. I am perfect. And that is bringing me to hell ever since. I was beautiful; and I am tired of making myself as a disaster. I am shallow, forced to dive into that deep well of great sadness. I am stupid, and that is the only part in my life that brings happiness to my breathing. Air, air. Let me lose it before I fire myself in this depressing job of being the antagonist of my own self.
D O N E.
Four-letter word that describes it all.
L O V E.
Four-letter word that triggered it all. And I fall. I fell. Hard. Really hard.
I was looking at the mirror and my reflection’s been telling me to be pure; impossible I know but at least that’s hope. Pretension, I was learning to be true to myself that my life is crystal clear, a pretension. I am sorry, I didn’t mean to. And why do I need to apologize if I loved it all. I loved the wild side, I loved the bad kid inside of me who break rules and break hearts. I loved it, and maybe I must not used a past tense - “I love it” No regrets, just pure death desire.
I am in tears now, I can’t write more.
I am tired of feeling like I’m the only one in love.
You are tired of feeling like you don’t fucking give a damn.
Sleep keep me
In awake with
I loved it when I used to trace the parts of your face with my fingers; And I know you loved it too. I loved how fearless I have become embracing you tightly in the streets with all those judgmental eyes; I know you loved it too. I loved it when we filled the silence of the night with the sound of our kisses that made us alive; And yes, I know you loved it too. Every song written and sung, every comfort from our holding hands, every thing that made us happy because we had each other, I loved it; And I know you loved it too.
But you gave them up so easily as if you were running from joy. Those times I asked myself, “Don’t you want to be happy?” and worse, “Am I not making you happy?” I used to lose every confidence I have in my body when you left. All I knew was that we were so perfect one day, then so hopeless the next. You threw your hands up, tears down, then start to walk away. And the only thing that bothered me was that I loved seeing you walk away. I was so sad, it’s just that everything you do is beautiful even breaking my heart.
But now I am no longer asking for anything. You chose your path and I accepted it. You gave up and even though I don’t understand why, everything is fine now. Maybe you really don’t want to be happy because you’re afraid to get hurt. You take risk but you don’t take them fully. Now I was left to love every memory we built and I know you love them too. So goodbye my love, goodbye.
If I could
one thing, you
I’d tell, had